


It was a Unicorn Head!

by toomuchagain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Canon-Typical Violence, Croatverse, Endverse, Gen, Gory pranks, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 10:36:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4345280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toomuchagain/pseuds/toomuchagain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Huh. Macabre, but, fair enough," Cas agrees, following her lead. "I do hate fairies."</p>
            </blockquote>





	It was a Unicorn Head!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GeekLibrarian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekLibrarian/gifts).



"So this is really a unicorn?" Risa asks, nudging the corpse with her foot. "Unicorns are really real."

Beside her, Cas shrugs. "Technically no, but fairies don’t tend to trouble themselves with things like 'real' and 'imaginary.'"

Risa tilts her head, lips pursed. "You know, we should pull a Godfather on Dean for sending us after fucking fairies."

"A Godfather?"

"Oh right," Risa sighs, "You have the pop culture knowledge of a cheeto."

She leans her rifle on her shoulder and turns to trek through the rainbow-splattered mud to the truck. Cas follows in bemusement.

"The Godfather is a mafia movie. There's this famous scene where this guy wakes up with a horse's severed head in his bed, because he won't cast the Don's godson in his movie."

Throwing their rifles in the cab, Risa digs around in the back until she finds a couple of machetes and hands one to Cas.

"Huh. Macabre, but, fair enough," Cas agrees, following her lead. "I do hate fairies."

They find a tarp to wrap the head in. It's awkward with the 2' horn, but they manage. And then they set to the task of collecting pieces of fairie and throwing them on the unicorn body to salt and burn. It's an excellent light show—flames shooting up towards the stars in every color of the spectrum. The glittering flecks of ash that settle in their hair are less cool, but they're already covered in sparkly, technicolor blood from head to toe, so it's not like it can get much worse.

When they get back to camp, Dean manages to keep a straight face for approximately .02 seconds, and Cas is glad for Risa's foresight.

\--------------------

"How pissed do you think he'll be when he realizes the blood doesn't come out?" Risa asks, tossing popcorn in her mouth.

Cas steals some from her bowl, chewing thoughtfully. "He'll probably try to put us on inventory control for the next month, but when he remembers that's where all the pills and liquor are, he'll change his mind. We should expect some form of retaliation in a week or two—he thinks he can play the patient game, but a toddler has better impulse control."

She nods, shifting her legs and jostling his head on her lap. They settle into the pleasant quiet of a warm summer morning, beams of soft, dusty light falling across the bed. The monitor at the end of the bed blinks red, signifying that the security camera they hid in Dean’s room is live. The quality isn't great, but they can make out Dean's features and the bright colors now staining his bed.

"Oh, hey, look!" Risa suddenly exclaims, tapping his head urgently and straightening up, "Looks like it's showtime!"

Cas scrambles upright, hand clamped around her wrist in anticipation.

"This is definitely recording, right?"

She nods as on-screen, Dean stirs, groggy from the bender they arranged last night. It takes him a minute to realize something's amiss. He mumbles and rubs the back of his hand over his eyes and Risa cackles as he leaves a swath of yellow and purple across his nose.

Dean's features pinch as he pulls his hand back and stares. "What the...? Wha—?" He quickly surveys the rest of himself, and that's when his eyes track the trail of blood leading to the unicorn head. His mouth drops open. "OH _HELL_ NO."

They burst into laughter, rolling around the bed and clutching each other until they hear the furious sound of Dean stomping up Cas's porch steps.

"Oh shit! Save it, save it! Here, the card, _the card!_ "

In the ensuing scuffle, their temporary set-up gets knocked over, Risa loses her sweatpants, and Cas ends up locked in a tangle of very colorful limbs with Dean, shouting at Risa, "I'll hold him back! Just keep it safe!" as she flees with the SD card, still cackling gleefully in her panties and Cas's boots.

It's three months before Dean gives up trying to track down and destroy all the copies of the video, and another four before he finally stops sulking over a botched attempt to sabotage their doors with buckets of glitter (one and a half weeks, as predicted).

Cas hides a smug smile every time he props his feet on Dean's table—right over the spot he taped the SD card underneath.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for my friend Willow for her birthday, and normally I don't post gift fics that I write on tumblr here, but then I thought of the title, and I didn't really have a choice after that.


End file.
